Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
