Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize