i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
