woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
