Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
