I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
