from now on my penis is your penis
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize