you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
