well most of my day revolves around power hour
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
