i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
one two three fourrrrnication!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He passed out mid-signature
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
