I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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