I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
