Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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