Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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