i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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