I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
