I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
