They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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