About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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