I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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