i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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