Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
