the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
