Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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