I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
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No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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