I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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