i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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