no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She needs sedatives and a leash
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
