i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
