ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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