dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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