You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize