how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
