yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i dont even know how to be here
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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