Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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