Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
