she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.