i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.