I am puke
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.