the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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