Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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