i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
