I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
