I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
