Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it was like eating out sand paper
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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