So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
