Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
