I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
