smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
