I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
