is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
