Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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