i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i came on her dog
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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