Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
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Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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