I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
