grandma shit on top of the toilet
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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