Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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