Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
