Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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