she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
