he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
