And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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