he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
