To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
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The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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