What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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