he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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